Terrible Decisions 1.0

When the first caveman bumped his head against a stalactite, he said, and I quote, "Ow". Two days later, that same caveman bumped his head against that same stalactite. They were not smart in those days.

BUT, two days later, he saw his cavebuddy walking into that same precarious situation and he said "Uk!" His pal stopped short at the last minute, and was spared considerable agony.

Pat and I have been making terrible decisions for years. We don't know why God chose us. Some people are good at math. Others compose music. Our lives are symphonies of discord, equal parts missed opportunities and missed stair steps. But then we realized, because we're so good at choosing horrendously wrong, we can help people. As ardent Zionists and Calvinists, respectively, we feel it is our duty to mankind to let them learn from our mistakes. We want to tell you, no, don't get wasted, pee your pants, then knock on your girlfriend's door at 4 in the morning. We want to tell you: Uk!

So we will be hurting ourselves for you so you don't have to. I will start. For the purpose of this exercise, I will number the bad decisions for you. We may or may not in the future.

I had the day off from work, and so I decided TGIF! Rum and cokes at 9 AM! (1) And what goes better with a drunken stomach-ache before noon than watching BET Comicview? (2) Nothing! Pretty soon, the caffeine caught up with me, and I decided, I shouldn't be wasting my day off in front of the television! (3) Instead, I need to get caught up on all those projects I've been neglecting. First off, laundry. You should always do your laundry drunk. (4) That way, you'll be sure not to check the pockets of your jeans for anything that doesn't belong in the laundry. Say, an mp3 player. (5) When I got the pants out of the dryer, and discovered the error of my ways, it only made sense to fall into a fit of rage and throw the device against the wall (6), thus ensuring it would certainly never work again. Then I rode my bike while drunk to get a sandwich. (7) They can't give you a DUI on a bike, right? (8?) This is how you should spend your free time. (9) If you're not watching MAD TV, that is. (10)

So there is an exercise in poor life decisions. Alcohol is often, but far from always, a factor. The most important catalyst? Just sucking at life. SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

-Andy